Channeling some Joe!emo
Jan. 9th, 2012 11:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emothy(Confession: Sometimes I can't write Joe when I'm upset because I'm worried all my own emo is going to come out via him, and suddenly he'll have issues he isn't even supposed to have. And bb has enough of those!)
Earlier I went to go hug the toilet bowl briefly because all of a sudden I was actually retching and I couldn't stop. And I don't get sick often. I feel nauseous, but I never actually throw up. I just have to deal with the awful sick feeling for hours. It's been years and years since that actually happened.
Turned out, luckily, there was absolutely nothing in my stomach that could come up, so nothing happened after all. Except me crying some more.
(When someone asks, "will you be okay?" as they say goodbye, and in response you burst into tears, that's kind of the answer right there).
I wasn't in there long, but it's not far from the living room. The thing is, mum never even noticed.
Sometimes... I just really want to be noticed.
I also want to go and ask her for a hug right now but I know I'll burst into tears, so I can't.
I hate being twenty-four sometimes.
-
A question - when you find someone intimidating, is it easier to keep conversation on a superficial level rather than try to talk about ~feelings~? Is it because you're worried about the impression you'll make on them, if you are feeling down? Is it because if they are the one feeling down suddenly they're a real person and not idolised anymore and you have to deal with adjusting to that?
Off to work now!
Earlier I went to go hug the toilet bowl briefly because all of a sudden I was actually retching and I couldn't stop. And I don't get sick often. I feel nauseous, but I never actually throw up. I just have to deal with the awful sick feeling for hours. It's been years and years since that actually happened.
Turned out, luckily, there was absolutely nothing in my stomach that could come up, so nothing happened after all. Except me crying some more.
(When someone asks, "will you be okay?" as they say goodbye, and in response you burst into tears, that's kind of the answer right there).
I wasn't in there long, but it's not far from the living room. The thing is, mum never even noticed.
Sometimes... I just really want to be noticed.
I also want to go and ask her for a hug right now but I know I'll burst into tears, so I can't.
I hate being twenty-four sometimes.
-
A question - when you find someone intimidating, is it easier to keep conversation on a superficial level rather than try to talk about ~feelings~? Is it because you're worried about the impression you'll make on them, if you are feeling down? Is it because if they are the one feeling down suddenly they're a real person and not idolised anymore and you have to deal with adjusting to that?
Off to work now!