yuck.

didn't sleep well again last night; didn't keep waking up this time, but I just feel like I've been dozing the whole time instead of really sleeping, so I'm still knackered. I'm starting to think life doesn't want me to sleep. Just wants me zombiefied as much as posible so I can go to work and behave like a robot. I wish I could!

God I hate my job so much though. No-one cares there. I don't even care enough to go into it. But there's nothing else I want to do. I'm a lost cause. I just want to sleep forever right now.

I'm freezing cold this morning too. I slept with a fleece on and zipped up, an an extra blanket wrapped around me. Usually when I do that in the middle of the night I get too hot and throw off the blanket and the fleece, but this morning I was still fine. I'm sitting here still with the fleece and blanket round me and I really don't want to get dressed because it involves being near cold air.

I just want to go to sleep and not have to deal with any of this shit. I bet I break down and cry today, I can just feel it. Stupid fucking lack of sleep making me feel really vulnerable.

I am so going to fail at life. I hate people, I'm not interested in love, and I'm useless at most jobs. I FAIL AT LIFE PEOPLE.

emptyhead

I haven't slept properly in two nights now, The Forsyte Saga is getting to the point where everything is making me cry my heart out, and yet I don't feel tired. How is that possible considering some nights I would fall asleep accidentally at 8pm and sleep twelve hours every night?! Why can't my body just be normal and stick to the regular eight hours?


In other, HAPPY news; DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD, MEL WAS FIRED, LALALA!

She took a huge storage box that cost £24.99 (slightly damaged, to be sent back, but that's really not the point) without asking anyone, and blatant disregard like that is instant dismissal. Sue called Michael (not an owner but sort of on par with them) and he called Steve and Colin (owners of all the stores) and they all agreed she should be fired. Sort of scare tactics really. To scare the rest of us into behaving if we don't already. All it's done is make everyone infinitely ECSTATIC! No more bitching telling-tales and backstabbing from her!

Why aren't I tired. Why aren't I passed out in bed already. I think I am turning into a zombie. This may be a good thing. Soon I'll become numb to everything. I won't worry, I won't loathe my life and my job and myself. I won't tease and taunt myself with better things that might-but-never-will-be.

Cyn, where are you? I need someone to listen to the nothing I have to say. I feel so empty-headed right now. I don't know how I feel, and even if I did I don't know where to look inside my head for the words to explain it. I feel like I'm in limbo right now. But between what, and what? What am I waiting for?

Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I really don't know. I would just love to know why I can't sleep. Is this insomnia? I've never experienced it before. Sounded far too mature for me. IN-SOMMMMM-NEEE-AH.

Had a laugh on the way home with Louise and Stevie. Felt good, like being with a group of friends again.