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Among other things, including my old friends Brad and Lizzy and Neha, I dreamt that I was working in a supermarket as a checkout girl (EW bad job, bad job) and packing the bags, but the guy on the till was running them through so fast I couldn't keep up and there was another customer afterwards with shitloads of stuff to buy too waiting, and he abandoned me as the woman he was serving was trying to pay. It cost like, somewhere just under £150, and she just handed her purse over to me and told me to count it out while she put her things into her trolley to go. So I'm fiddling with this money coz there's tonnes of it wedged into her purse, like three hundred pounds in twenties and tens and some fives, and she just sort of GOES (WITHOUT ALL OF HER SHOPPING because I haven't packed it all oops) and tells me to keep the change (WTF?! she left her PURSE with hundreds of pounds in it!) and yet I'm still fiddling with it trying to count out the RIGHT amount and give her back the right change from the till so I can find her somehow and give her purse back, when the supervisor person comes over and doesn't even seem to notice me with this fat purse of money, just looks at this bit of food half-in bags half-out and tells me off for fucking around and making the person queuing at my till wait (it wasn't my till and I wasn't serving, the guy abandoned me to finish a transaction!) and shooes me and tells me to take the stuff back and practically acts like they're going to fire me. So I don't tell them a woman just walked out with about £150 worth of food without paying (minus what she'd forgotten of course) and just take her purse and walk off to get my bag and fucking quit. Go me!
But still, it was a waaaaaaaay weird dream.
Uh, in other news, if you tell someone you don't just want to be fooling around all the time they take it to mean you want to just quit things altogether. We talked and sorted it out though, except I think she's finally clued in that I don't ever see us becoming an actual couple. (What she said was maybe we should just stop then before we mess with each others heads and screw each other up coz I went on this big explanation thing about how everyone I touch just ends up fucked up because of me and my choices), and like I told Cathryn, "I guess even though that part bugged me, that she would talk about it like it WOULD happen, now that she's decided it won't, what's keeping her involved with me at all? She'll just lose her enthusiasm and then I'll be left with nothing, because it's not what she thought."
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
Yeah things are okay now, or they should be. I think... Well I think somehow she's realised we probably won't ever become a couple, like I've always suspected in my head, but I don't want to stop what we've got because it makes me happy, and she said she doesn't either, so things shouldn't change.
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
I didn't realise how much I was relying on her until it was threatened.
disco. says:
relying in what way?
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
Well how much having her keeps me happy and in a general good mood and content and ambling along in life without worrying too much. And because she gives me attention and cares it makes me feel good.
And you know, just the night before my dad went off on a big rant about how he hates queers and hates that we kiss goodbye every evening practically outside the front door. He wouldn't admit it was because he was worried what other people would say, but it was that and it came to that eventually. Mum was disgusted by him, and kept saying "but she's your DAUGHTER, it shouldn't matter!" and I just told him that Carrie made me happy so that was that, and that I wasn't going to play his game because it was ridiculous. Mum also pointed out if I had a boyfriend it wouldn't be an issue.
Blah. Oh and it was my grandad's 75th birthday yesterday so in the early afternoon we went out for a meal and stuff. Was okay, pretty nothingy, we didn't stay at theirs for long afterwards because dad was moaning about wanting to watch the football. Mum apologized for me having such an asshole for a father after the "discussion" thing. I just feel sorry for her that deep down she actually loves him, because she hates him so much more.
But still, it was a waaaaaaaay weird dream.
Uh, in other news, if you tell someone you don't just want to be fooling around all the time they take it to mean you want to just quit things altogether. We talked and sorted it out though, except I think she's finally clued in that I don't ever see us becoming an actual couple. (What she said was maybe we should just stop then before we mess with each others heads and screw each other up coz I went on this big explanation thing about how everyone I touch just ends up fucked up because of me and my choices), and like I told Cathryn, "I guess even though that part bugged me, that she would talk about it like it WOULD happen, now that she's decided it won't, what's keeping her involved with me at all? She'll just lose her enthusiasm and then I'll be left with nothing, because it's not what she thought."
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
Yeah things are okay now, or they should be. I think... Well I think somehow she's realised we probably won't ever become a couple, like I've always suspected in my head, but I don't want to stop what we've got because it makes me happy, and she said she doesn't either, so things shouldn't change.
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
I didn't realise how much I was relying on her until it was threatened.
disco. says:
relying in what way?
submission to a prison of familiar pathways says:
Well how much having her keeps me happy and in a general good mood and content and ambling along in life without worrying too much. And because she gives me attention and cares it makes me feel good.
And you know, just the night before my dad went off on a big rant about how he hates queers and hates that we kiss goodbye every evening practically outside the front door. He wouldn't admit it was because he was worried what other people would say, but it was that and it came to that eventually. Mum was disgusted by him, and kept saying "but she's your DAUGHTER, it shouldn't matter!" and I just told him that Carrie made me happy so that was that, and that I wasn't going to play his game because it was ridiculous. Mum also pointed out if I had a boyfriend it wouldn't be an issue.
Blah. Oh and it was my grandad's 75th birthday yesterday so in the early afternoon we went out for a meal and stuff. Was okay, pretty nothingy, we didn't stay at theirs for long afterwards because dad was moaning about wanting to watch the football. Mum apologized for me having such an asshole for a father after the "discussion" thing. I just feel sorry for her that deep down she actually loves him, because she hates him so much more.
