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Look at the time. And guess what? I haven't gone to bed yet. I felt awful after an actual GOOD day, and coming to a crappy end just made the contrast even worse, and it was such a dumb thing to get worked up about, it always is, but I can't help it. So I put on Dirty Dancing because it's just a feel-good film, except it kind of made me want that for myself, and then I started imaging my life without certain people in it, like if they really are going to disappear like I'm scared they are, and the thought of losing someone has never hit me so hard in the chest. And I don't know if she knows it anymore. I don't think I knew it til now, I never stopped to think properly what it might be like without her in my life anymore, what my days would be like. My life. I need this friendship like I need oxygen, I miss it so much right now.
And I'm welling up but I just watched over 3 hours worth of The Forsyte Saga Sequel [one episode to go now] and Jolyon died and that made me cry a lot, and mum woke up to get ready for work and started making fun of me for my red eyes, so I think that and tiredness that hasn't really hit yet are to blame for this. And the reason the house moving crap keeps getting put off is that the wife went away for a bloody holiday and hasn't been around to sign all the crap they need to, but instead of TELLING us that we just get "oh no they're not ready blah blah put off put off be ambiguous and shady".
Like I care, I don't have to work right now. It just leaves me alone with my thoughts, and more aware when people aren't around, and loneliness won't quit, and I don't even know what's going on with people anymore.
I just want everyone to have things stable and constant and to be okay. Just for ONCE!
And I'm welling up but I just watched over 3 hours worth of The Forsyte Saga Sequel [one episode to go now] and Jolyon died and that made me cry a lot, and mum woke up to get ready for work and started making fun of me for my red eyes, so I think that and tiredness that hasn't really hit yet are to blame for this. And the reason the house moving crap keeps getting put off is that the wife went away for a bloody holiday and hasn't been around to sign all the crap they need to, but instead of TELLING us that we just get "oh no they're not ready blah blah put off put off be ambiguous and shady".
Like I care, I don't have to work right now. It just leaves me alone with my thoughts, and more aware when people aren't around, and loneliness won't quit, and I don't even know what's going on with people anymore.
I just want everyone to have things stable and constant and to be okay. Just for ONCE!