emothy: (coffee princes)
Minorly regarding yuletide, but only because it's a yuletide fandom.

I have a grudge against The Princess and the Frog. I haven't seen it, I know little about it, I don't know if I ever will see it or want to. It's just that whenever I see the title - EVERY SINGLE TIME - before I finish reading it completely I get excited thinking it is going to say The Princess and The Goblin instead.

Woe ;)
emothy: (Default)
I wish I could pack up and run away again. Just like when high school had finished being shit, and college was being shit when it was supposed to be my salvation, and mum kept whining to move house, I wish we could just up and piss off somewhere where I don't know anybody again.

I mean, I don't know anybody here really except the people I work with, and that's FAR too much. I'm sick of all of them, everyday. They make my job hard and miserable, and mum bitches at me all the time about my stupid dad then acts like everything's fine (and they're probably still having sex despite the fact that she has found an actual hatred for him now, which disturbs me greatly even more than the fact that they're my parents. Having sex.) and she comes home and gossips about work and then if I want to moan about it suddenly we're all in the wrong. And dad goes on about how he works so much harder and does so much more and blahblahblah.

I really feel like I would be best off taking a fucking vow of silence. Even online, my so-called refuge, all I ever do is whinge. And I hate it, I hate being that person. And I hate that mum keeps saying I could live off the money I have in the bank and just not work for a while, because it's tempting and it isn't. It isn't because I know you have to work to live and I understand that responsibility, and all I can think is superficial selfish lazy things like if I quit my job and go unemployed for some undetermined period of time I'm goign to get fat and never look for a job because I hate interviews and suck at them and no-one hires me without my mum putting in a word for me. Practically.

I feel so incompetent at my job and it's stupid fucking retail any monkey can do. Well, not completely, but there are parts of it... The parts with people, I hate. I am so good and QUICK at the admin work. I suppose I could do that as a job, but what and where and doesn't it all involve telephones? This is rhetorical anyway, again, doing a desk job would make me even fatter again. I'm more active than I ever have been and still I can't lose any weight. I want to stop talking, stop eating crap, stop listening to anyone, stop responding to anything, stop bitching and moaning.

Basically I don't want to be ME. It used to just be the physical parts of me I hated, then I hit puberty and wow now I hate my personality too.

I'm more annoyed right now than anything. So don't you know, worry or anything. I'll get over it, go to work and make the same mistakes I always do tomorrow.

'night, or whatever.

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emothy: (Default)
Emothy

July 2015

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